Should I admit I have a problem?


If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

Admitting our faults, flaws, and wrong behavior is a difficult thing. As men, we want to be seen in a good light. We want to be perceived as strong. We want to be considered the “nice guy”.

However, men who suffer from intimacy anorexia want to protect the walls that we have built up to protect our inner selves. We don’t want to be vulnerable. Our egos and pride prohibit us from admitting our wrongs, our faults, and our sins. If we do so, it calls into question all that we have built up until this point. If we admit our flaws, we would become vulnerable and weak. Someone might attack us and expose us for who we really are.  We will no longer be seen as the “nice guy.”

Intimacy anorexics do not want to face the pain and shame of exposure.

Ironically, the opposite is the truth. By admitting that we have done wrong, that we have a problem, and that we are weak and helpless, we open the door to forgiveness and a new start in life. We become stronger. Becoming vulnerable actually allows us the freedom and ability to connect more authentically with others.

Vulnerability and confession demonstrates that we are all flawed and that we need each other.  This is the way that Christ prescribed healing among his people.

Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.        James 5:16

When we admit we need help, we begin the process of healing. The intimacy anorexic has been sick for a long time. He or she has learned how to protect their hearts, their emotional center, and has constructed a façade around themselves. By breaking through this false protection and seeking help and forgiveness does one truly begin to be healed. By exposing our weaknesses and the wrong we have done, we open the door to the healing offered by Christ, and in doing so we become stronger. For the intimacy anorexic vulnerability is a painful and difficult step to take. But those things in life that are the most worthwhile are also the most challenging to undertake.

What do you think? Would you benefit from admitting your wrongs to another? What can you do today to be more vulnerable in your most important relationships?


About John Forrest